Online Dating Norway Style
by Cato's Little Sister
Summary: When Norway the psychologist forces his brother Iceland to set up an account on Ecupid, he could never have expected that his brother would fall for a fellow country...Online, no less. YEAH I SUCK AT SUMMARIES BUT WHATEVER. Review it if you want to make me happy.
1. The Meeting

Iceland what was many would call a shut-in.

He only left his house when doing so was absolutely necessary. His puffin often accused him of being antisocial, but the truth was that the boy was just extremely socially awkward. In other words, HE NEEDED TO GET LAID. BADLY.

Hi, I'm Norway, and this is the story of how I changed my brother's life.

It all started on a saturday morning. I was tapping my pen om my desk impatiently, waiting for my elusive brother to make an appearance. He did have an appointment after all. And it's not like he would get lost in the building, seeing as the sign on my door clearly states that this is my office. I was getting really bored of waiting, so I started to doodle on the paper. A creaking of the door drew my attention away from my masterpiece, and lo and behold! Little Iceland was glaring at me.

He took a seat, still scowling, his eyes shooting daggers at my face. What an ordeal it had been to drag him out here. Well, I've heard from his puffin that it's a difficult task to drag him to the convenience store. I sat across from him in my plush armchair and took out my notebook.

"So, Iceland. Glad to see you've finally taken my advice and come to pay me a visit." I drawled emotionlessly, although my brother could tell I was really smug about this whole situation. "Just make it quick, please. I really don't need a psychologist." he stammered angrily, as if this entire situation's purpose was to humiliate him, which was true.

"Let's begin. Why are you here today?"

"Because you told me-"

"WRONG ANSWER."

Iceland sighed pitifully. "Because I have no friends. Because I never leave my house."

"So, you're lonely?" I smiled. He was playing right into my hands. "I suppose you could call it that, but I'm happy with the way my life-"

"WRONG ANSWER."

My brother groaned. "What do you suggest I do?"

"That's more like it! So, for starters, you need a girlfriend." I droned, scribbling some pictures of my brother's facial expressions into my notebook. I glanced up. Iceland's jaw had dropped a little, and his face was starting to flush. "No way! I just need one or two friends is all! I don't even know how-"

"WRONG ANSWER."

He shook his head violently. "No. I can't do that, I'm sorry."

I stared at him, leaning closer and closer. This was how I convinced him to do my laundry when we were younger. I guess my eyes creep him out or something.

"ALRIGHTFINEI'LLDOIT!" He blurted, forcing me away from him. "Excellent." I wrote something down in my notebook. I tore the piece of paper out of my notebook and handed it to him. "Ecupid? Are you kidding me?"

"Nope. I expect you to have made an account by tomorrow morning. And I want you to send me a link to your profile so I can make sure you're following my instructions."

"You just want to stalk me, don't you?"

I smiled. I have been told many times that my smile is incredibly unnerving, which is the main reason I try to keep my face as expressionless as possible. "Maybe."

Iceland stormed out in a huff, but I had no doubt that he would soon be pretty popular with the ladies. Well, online at least.


	2. The Stalker

Back at home, Iceland was tapping away at his keyboard. I know this because I was outside his window, sitting in his bushes, which was more comfortable than you'd think. I saw him get frustrated and practically rape the backspace button several times, to my great amusement. I considered filming his tantrums and posting them to youtube, but that would have to wait. I had my laptop with me so I could check my email and get a closer look at his profile, once he sent it to me.

Eventually, my laptop blurted "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" pretty damn loudly, and I panicked and ran oto Iceland's front lawn. I had to stay as close to his house as possible, so I could mooch off of his wi-fi.

I saw an email entitled "Fine. Here it is."

I opened it. No text, just a link.

profile/iceland-loves-puffins12

Well, THAT username would DEFINITELY attract the ladies.

I clicked the link and was immediately taken to a very pink website, with Iceland's profile sitting right in the middle. There was a picture of him that looked suspiciously like his passport photo, and some information about him on the sidebar.

Interested in - Women, I guess, but really, I don't want a relationship right now.

Narrowing my eyes, I reopened my email and replyed to Iceland, making sweet love to the caps lock button in the process.

_WRONG. EVERYTHING IS WRONG. TAKE A SEXY PICTURE AND SAY THE TYPE OF GIRLS YOU LIKE. DON'T ACT ALL COLD. ALSO, YOUR USERNAME IS HORRIBLE AND CREEPY._

Several minutes after pressing send, I got a response. I smirked, leaning up against the front of his house, and read his reply.

_You can't force me to do anything. However, since you're so upset about it, I'll take a new photo and edit my description a bit. The username is staying, though._

Well, it was a start.

Knowing well that he always forgot to lock his door, I snuck into Iceland's house while I was waiting for updates to be made to his profile. I set my laptop down on the kitchen counter and grabbed a bag of licorice for a snack.

I made my way to his couch and sat down as quietly as was humanly possible.

I surfed the internet for a while, and then I saw a video that caught my eye.

"Little Asian boy does sexy dance"

I chuckled a little and played the video.

"MAH HUMPS, MAH HUMPS, MAH LUVLEY LADEE LUMPS!"

I had forgotten to turn the volume down. Pausing the video quickly, I hid behind the couch.

Iceland stormed out. "Mr. Puffin! Why are you playing such terrible music! YOU KNOW I ONLY LET YOU LISTEN TO JAZZ. IT'S FOR YOUR HEALTH!" He ran down the hallway, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was safe for now, it seemed.

Now, to look at his profile...


	3. The Girl

I rested my back against Iceland's couch, browsing his profile and happily eating his substantial stash of licorice.

The new profile was prefect, save the username, which was still as creepy as ever.

Interested in - Women, particularly blonde ones, although I don't really judge people based on appearances.

And the photo my brother had uploaded made me spit out the licorice. It was hilarious. His feeble attempts at trying to be "sexy" were pretty adorable. He had obviously held the camera high above his head, as was the trend with teenage girls nowadays, and he was making some sort of pout. His face kinda reminded me of a duck.

I smirked and rolled my eyes. Now I had to test him.

I signed up for an Ecupid account myself, making my username Bailee-Boobalicious, and scouring the internet for slutty pictures young women had taken of themselves.

Typing out a new message for Iceland-Loves-Puffins12 proved slightly difficult as my fingers weren't used to making so many emoticons.

_Hey Icey~_

_My name's Bailee ;) You seem pretty hottt, let's have a smexy chat333_

I got a reply within a minute.

_Hello Bailee._

_Um, I'm actually kind of cold at the moment, seeing as I live in Iceland. What does 'smexy' mean, if I may ask? Is it kind of like sexy?_

I had to contain my laughter. I couldn't let Iceland know I was behind his couch, eating his candy and pretending to be a girl .

_Haha, you're so cutee;))) It basically means we just talk about sexy stuff333 I can send a pic of my boobs if u want:D_

_Hi Bailee,_

_Er, I don't know much about...that. All I know is what I was taught in 7th grade sex ed, to be honest. And I feel uncomfortable with seeing your..._

_You know. And besides, I don't think it would work out, because there's another girl messaging me at the moment, and she seems more...polite and civilized, two qualities that I look for in a girl. I'm really sorry. You'll find someone._

_Best Regards,_

_Iceland._

WHAT! ALREADY!

I grinned. Now all I had to do was hack into his profile so I could watch their conversations, which would be fairly easy, as Iceland uses the same password for everything.

Username: Iceland-Loves-Puffins12

Password: Puffitypuff

I logged in, and went straight to his messages. Well, I altered his profile a teeny bit, but not enough to make it noticeable.

Interested in - Women, particularly blonde ones, although I don't really judge people based on appearances. Also, it helps if you're good at "funtimes".

The conversations he had been having with this mystery girl were pretty surprising.

_Hi Iceland!_

_Just call me Belgium! :3_

_You seem really cute and nice, so I hope we can talk more! P.S. I like puffins too, even though I've never seen a real one!_

_Hello Belgium._

_I have a pet puffin. I can send you a picture if you want._

_That would be soo super cute! :3 Send it!_

_Here it is - _

_AWWWW! I want to pet him!_

_He's kind of a jerk, actually. I've met cuter puffins._

_Haha~_

_What else do you like to do? :3_

_I like to sing in the shower._

_Me too! What songs do you sing?_

_..."My Humps"_

_HAHAHAH :3_

_Awesome!_

_Don't you dare tell anyone._

_I won't, haha! So, why are you on Ecupid, anyways? Cute guy like you, you should be able to get any girl3_

_Um...My brother made me sign up._

_Same here! My brother is WAYYYYY too overprotective, lol._

_But I know my brother just wants to help._

_I'm really bad at this, though._

_The closest I've ever gotten to romance is a trashy novel._

_:3_

_Mine means well too, he's just a little creepy sometimes!_

_I've had a couple boyfriends, but they didn't work out~_

I facepalmed.

What on earth does this girl see in my brother! I mean, good for him and all, but I would've left after he offered to send a picture of his puffin.

Footsteps.

"Who ate all my licorice? Mr. Puffin doesn't usually like the stuff..."

Oh crap. I made my breathing as quiet as possible and shrank into the fabric of the sofa.

"NORWAY, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING HERE!"


	4. The Dilemma

Iceland was furious. That much I could tell. However, what I said next probably made the situation 1,657,329 times worse.

"So, I see you've gotten in contact with a young lady called Belgium? What about poor Bailee?"

He froze. I couldn't help but let out a little giggle at his Oh-no-you-didn't face.

"H-how do you...YOU HACKED INTO MY ACCOUNT! AND ATE ALL MY LICORICE! AND BROKE INTO MY HOUSE!"

Yeah, it was gonna be kind of hard to explain my way out of this one...

"Well, I wanted to make sure you were doing okay. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're not exactly the most charismatic guy I know...And I got kinda hungry...And when you turned down Bailee's offer, I got curious and hacked into your profile. Although it was so easy that I wouldn't really call it hacking, per se..." I muttered, trying to retain as much of my stoic composure as was humanly possible.

"How did you know Bailee turned me down?"

I watched his face change from angry to super-rage-volcanic as he figured out what I had done.

"YOU WERE BAILEE!"

"I was pretty sexy, if I do say so myself..." I smirked.

At this point, my brother gave up and sank down next to me. He was used to this kind of behaviour from me, although the added stress of romance was probably making him a little edgy.

"Well, now that you're here, you might as well help me figure out what to say to Belgium, I guess. You're pretty good with girls, right?"

I wasn't good with girls at all. At first, they see my lack of emotion as a challenge, as if I were a chocolate with a caramel center. They think I'll warm up to them and reveal my mushy-gushy heart. That's not exactly the case. I don't really have a heart of gold, to be frank. What you see is pretty much what you get, as far as I'm concerned.

The only girl I've ever taken any real interest in is Belarus, but she's a tad too obsessed with her brother to really notice me. Don't tell her I said that.

"Hm...Of course. I am very good with "The Ladies"."

"Okay. Can you type my next message for me? I'm too nervous. I don't want her to think I'm awkward or anything."

Okay, I have a golden opportunity here. I can't let this slip away.

I reopened his messages folder and began to type.

_Yeah, brothers really are annoying, huh? _

_So, how is it in Belgium? I'll bet at this time of year it's nice and sunny. Have you ever been to Iceland? The hot springs are really relaxing. Mr. Puffin says he'd love to have you over sometime :)_

_You're really cute, did you know that? The photos I've seen of you are all gorgeous. I hope someday we can meet offline._

_I apologize if I'm being too forward, haha. I just think you're something special. _

_If you're not looking for anything serious, I'd still love to get together for a one-night stand, if you're up for it. I'm sure you're great in bed ;)_

_xx_

"What did you send her?" Iceland said, peering through his fingers at my laptop screen, almost too afraid to look.

"Oh, just a little flirty thing I came up with."

"Flirty? Knowing you..." He yanked the laptop out of my grasp.

"NORWAY! HOW COULD YOU?"

His reaction to her response was even more priceless.

_Haha :3_

_It's great weather over here, but I'd love to visit Iceland for a change of pace. I'm a big fan of travelling!_

_Aww, thanks! You're super-cute too 3_

_Hm, a one-night stand? I'm not so sure~ It might be too soon, don't you think? And we live too far for that, lol. But I'm sure I could arrange a visit sometime soon! Maybe we could do a little something then? :3_

_Could be fun~_

"NORWAY. HELP. SHE WANTS TO VISIT."

I leaned over, chuckling at her message.

"And get in your pants, seems like!"

"NO. NUH-UH. I..I...ICAN'TDOTHISI'MSORRY!"

He thrust the laptop back into my lap and ran off to recompose himself.

This was gonna be fun.

AN - I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO REVIEWED. YOU GUYS JUST MAKE ME SQUEE. ASDFGHJKL;

And to Ria, ARE YOU KIDDING THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE.

AND I LOVE YOU.

AND I'M CURRENTLY THINKING OF A SCENARIO.

Possibly NorBel. Yes. Very yes.


	5. The Idiot

With my brother having an emotional breakdwon in the next room over, I took the opportunity to chat a bit with Belgium.

_Sounds great! How fast can you get over here? I'll give you my addresss._

_Oh, are you inviting me over? :3_

_I've always wanted to visit Iceland, so it's not like I have a reason to refuse or anything~ _

_But if you turn out to be some creepy pervert I'll kick your ass, haha :3_

_Yeah, consider this an invitation!_

_My address is _

_2934 Langahlíð, Bíldudalur, Vestfirðir, Ísland_

_Thank you for coming and visiting me, even though we just met!_

I began to wonder about this girl. She had known my brother for less than half an hour and she was already jumping out of her seat to visit him? She must be one of those free-spirited types...

_Okay!_

_I booked flight tickets, I should arrive there in two days ;3_

_Looking forward to seeing you!~_

Wow.

That was way too easy.

_I can't wait._

_Wanna sleep in the same bed?_

At that moment, Iceland came back, looking somewhat more composed. He saw me typing away and his face blanched again. "Well, what did she say? What did YOU say?"

"She coming over the day after tomorrow."

His face was just the best thing ever. Sometimes I said things for the sole purpose of watching his facial expressions.

"WHY! I DON'T WANT A GIRL IN MY HOUSE! I DON'T WANT ANYONE IN MY HOUSE!"

"She said it'll be fun...She's 'really looking forward to it'..."

"Lemme just see what you wrote to her..."

He snatched the laptop away from me and quickly scanned over the messages. He placed it aside and stared at me, silently scaring the crap out of me, although I didn't show it.

"You...she...do you know what you've done?"

"No. Enlighten me, brother."

"You invited a strange girl over to my house to sleep with me in my bed."

"WRONG ANSWER."

"No, I'm pretty sure that's correct."

His eyes were glowing with a cold fury I had only seen a couple of times, one of them being when I refused to open the door to my house while he was waiting outside, begging to be let in because he had to pee, and he wet himself on my doorstep.

I stood up and walked over to pick up my laptop. Unfortunately, I was struck with all 130 pounds of my brother, who had flung himself at me in a rage.

He wasn't much of a fighter, but I toppled over all the same.

"IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU-" He screamed while trying to wring my neck.

I gasped for air, kind of worried that becoming a shut-in had made him a little mentally challenged and maybe he didn't realize that he was CHOKING ME TO DEATH.

Fortunately, the doorbell rang, and he was forced to go answer it, while I massaged my sore neck, sighing in relief. He had really creeped me out there.

"Who's at the door?" I called.

"Your lover has come to pick you up. He was worried."

"Lover...?"

Oh. Denmark. I had told him I would be at my brother's house for a couple of days, but apparently my roommate got worried.

"He's going to be staying here as well?" Iceland called back.

"No. Make him go away."

But Denmark ran in anyways, Iceland unable to stop him.

And for the second time that day, I found myself being choked.

"NORGEY!" He exclaimed while hugging me to death.

Iceland was never going to be able to romance Belgium with THIS idiot hanging around...


	6. The Awkwardness

So now the three of us were sat on the sofa.

I was in the middle, with my laptop carefully placed on my lap.

We had informed that idiot Denmark about Iceland's new romantic situation, and we were awaiting a new message from Belgium. In the mean time, we were amusing ourselves with photobooth. Iceland refused to participate, being the "sophisticate" he is, but I managed to sneak a couple pictures of him looking stupid.

I'd probably print them out and blackmail him when Belgium arrived.

Speaking of which, I couldn't wait. I felt like a 10 year-old girl squealing over a boy band. I just wanted to burst out in giggles. But I got the feeling that such uncharacteristic behaviour would thoroughly disturb everyone.

*NEW MESSAGE FROM BELGIUM!* Blinked on the web browser.

I clicked it, and was instantly absorbed in the new development in my brother's epic erotic saga.

_Haha :3_

_Sure, I'd love to sleep in the same bed! I'm sure I can keep you warm~_

_I'm packing right now! Haha, my brother is so mad at me. He says I'm too spontaneous. Truth is, he won't let any guy get close to me, but if I'm out of country, he can't control what I do~_

_Looking forward to my visit!3_

_xx_

"Hear that, Icey? Your girl's gonna keep you wa-a-arm..." Denmark cooed obnoxiously, streching out the word 'warm' in such a way that I actually felt bile rising in my throat.

"N-no, she's not! I'll prepare the guest room!"

"Iceland," I stated. "You've already told her you would sleep with her. Women have needs, too. Refusing to share a bed would be like leading her on."

"YEAH, GET IN THERE AND HAVE SOME SEX!" Denmark screamed, giving Iceland a noogie.

"Um...Uh..." Iceland's face soon became the shade of red usually reserved for traffic lights.

"Oh, you don't know how to do it? Allow me to show you." I smiled.

I opened a new tab and looked up a video on youtube.

I clicked play.

A scantily clad woman danced around, singing "WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN TONITE, CUZ YOU CAN TOUCH MAH BOOBIES!" in a crude parody of what prepubescent boys imagined sex to be like.

Iceland's face went from traffic light red to volcanic magma red, and he didn't seem to realize that the video wasn't serious. "B-boobies?" he muttered under his breath.

Denmark was rolling on the ground, dying of laughter at this point, but I was doing a pretty good job of keeping up my stoic facade.

My brother's brain processed all the information that it had recieved in the past hour.

"I'MSORRYIHAVETOGOSORRY!" He blurted, and awkwardly sprinted out of the room.

"That's probably the third time he's done that today. I think this is too much for him to handle." I acknowledged.

"Aw, do you think we should explain things to Belgium? I mean, he's getting pretty worked up over this..." Denmark sighed, having picked himself up off of the ground.

"No. The real fun hasn't even started yet." I muttered with the most evil of smiles upon my face.

AN - Sorry it's kinda short. I'll probably have another chapter up tonight or tomorrow morning. Belgium will probably show up in the 8th chapter. I'm excited ;u;

AND I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH THAT I JUST SS;LYJSLIHGAlKCS.

I DON'T DESERVE SUCH LOVELY READERS.

HUG ME, ALL OF YOU.


	7. The Training

I opened the door to my brother's room a crack and peered in cautiously. When he was in this sort of state, I had to tread carefully. I became aware that Denmark was behind me, standing on the tips of his toes, and quietly looking through the gap between the door and the wall as well.

That is, until he fell over, creating a domino effect, forcing the door open and pinning me beneath him.

He was really heavy, and I couldn't manage to get enough oxygen to croak out a complaint.

The situation delighted him.

"AHAHHAHA! HEY ICEY!"

"Denmark, I know you're attracted to my brother, but please try to contain your lust." Iceland sighed.

"Eh? Well, sure, Norgey's hot and all, but that's not why I'm on top of him!"

I struggled to push that oaf off of me, as this whole situation was extremely humiliating.

"Careful, Denmark. You're going to crush him."

"Oh, that's right!" he chuckled as he lifted himself off of me. "HAHA, YOUR FACE IS PURPLE!"

"And whose fault do you think that is?" I asked him seriously.

"DON'T TELL ME. YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME!" his face lit up.

"Faces don't turn PURPLE when they blush."

"Well, Norgey, I've never seen you blush, so I wouldn't know!"

I dismissed him with a wave of my hand, signalling the end of this redundant conversation.

Iceland was still sitting on the foot of his bed, hair looking messier than it had in a long time. He probably took one of his 'angry naps'.

I took a seat next to him.

"So. Belgium is going to be here in less than 48 hours. You need to get prepared. Denmark and I will teach you-"

"SOME FRICKIN' SEXY PICKUP LINES!" Denmark interrupted.

"Well, in a sense, yes, but that's an idiotic way to phrase it." I retorted.

Iceland's cheeks were going pink again, realizing what we were about to teach him.

"So, even though she's agreed to sleep with you, you need to make sure she WANTS to. Act sexy. Make eyes at her. You know what I mean, don't you watch a lot of soap operas?"

"Y-yeah, I guess I understand..." he muttered.

"Good. Test out your skills onn Denmark."

"WHAT!"

"C'MON, ICEY! BE SEXY FOR ME!" The Dane screamed.

"NO." he protested.

I stared at him. Leaning closer...closer...

"FINEI'LLDOITBUTI'MNOTHAPPYABOUTTHIS!"

Denmark pumped his fist in success. I grabbed Iceland by his shoulders and stood him in front of his target, who had taken on a very feminine pose.

"Um, so...Do you come here often?" Iceland stammered, refusing to make eye contact.

"We-ell...I can't say I do, tee hee! But I'm glad I did, because you're pretty cute~!" Denmark said in a girly, flirty tone of voice that made me want to puke.

"Yeah...well...um...can I get you a...drink or whatever?"

"Sure thing, babydoll! A mojito, extra rum, please!"

Iceland turned to me, his face a beautiful collage of horror and confusion, caused by the Dane's sudden demand and the fact that he had just been called 'babydoll'.

"Well, go make the woman a drink!" I insisted.

Iceland came back with a shotglass full of...coca-cola?

"What is that?" I asked.

"It's cola. That's the only thing I have besides tap water, sorry...I thought putting it in a shotglass would maybe...I don't know, simulate the experience of alcohol?"

I banged my head against the wall repeatedly, unsure if I should laugh or cry.

Denmark's womanly facade crumbled, and he put his arm around Iceland.

"You know what, Norge? I'll take the kid back to our place and teach him the ways of love. I'll bring him back before his woman arrives." He smiled.

No. I wanted to teach Iceland myself. I'm his brother.

Denmark lead my brother out of the house and I ran after them.

"Don't worry! I'll take care of him!"

Oh god...

No good could come of this.

AN - Next chapter marks the appearance of the lovely Belgium~

AND YOU GUYS MAKE ME WANT TO EXPLODE IN A GORGEOUS FOUNTAION OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS.

Thanks for reading, and leave me some suggestions as to what Denmark should do to Iceland, haha.


	8. The Arrival

3 hours.

180 minutes until she arrived.

I was lying on my brother's couch, watching "PONPONPON" for what seemed like the 143rd time. God, when was that idiot Denmark going to bring Iceland back? For the past day and a half, I had been the only one occupying Iceland's house, save for Mr. Puffin. I had taken advantage of this time alone to go through his things.

I had found out that he likes to read a lot of romance novels.

But I was beginning to grow bored, being here all by myself. Furthermore, I was really worried about what Denmark was doing to my brother.

Oh, speak of the devil.

The noisy dane burst through the unlocked front door without knocking.

"NORGE~Y! I BROUGHT BACK YOUR BROTHER!"

I stood up and made my way over to the door.

"I taught him a LOT about romance. Plus, I invited Prussia and Germany over for a movie night! It was AWESOME!"

I turned to look at my brother. His eyes were dead and emotionless, and his skin kind of reminded me of a fish. Plus, his mouth was hanging open like a carp, further legitimizing my comparison.

"Well? What did you learn? She's gonna be here soon, so..."

"B-bodies...sh-should NOT bend like th-that...And humans...should N-NOT violate d-dogs...and I...I don't w-want to eat p-poop..." he muttered under his breath.

"Denmark, tell me the truth. Did you show him some of that gross porn you have?"

"Maybe?"

I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling and sighed. Iceland had curled up into the fetal position and was shaking like a leaf.

"Iceland, pull yourself together. We only have two and a half hours left!"

No response.

"Iceland, pull yourself together or I'll show her embarassing pictures of you when she comes."

No response.

"Iceland, pull yourself together and I'll make waffles."

Iceland stood up slowly and headed towards the kitchen.

And so, I spent the next two and a half hours making and eating waffles with my brother and that annoying Dane. We watched some disney channel as well. I would never admit this to anyone, but I kind of like Wizards of Waverly Place.

Then, the doorbell rang for the second time.

"Go answer it, Iceland." I nudged him.

"Why me?"

"It's your love interest!"

"Fine."

He got up and ran to the door, opening it slowly. I craned my neck to get a better view of the girl. She had blonde, wavy hair cropped into a bob, with a red ribbon tied like a headband. Her eyes just lit up when she saw Iceland.

"Hi! I'm so excited to meet you in person! You're so cute!" she giggled, flinging her arms around his neck.

His face turned several shades of red and he struggled to spurt out any words.

Eventually, he managed, "H-hi, nice to meet you."

She laughed and let go of him. "Where should I put my things?"

"Er, follow me."

Iceland led her through the house, and she waved at us while passing through the living room.

I laughed a little, in spite of myself.

As they entered the bedroom, Belgium shut the door.

Denmark looked at me. "How are we gonna spy on them if they-"

"Shut up. I have a plan."

I had drilled holes in each of the doors in order to eavesdrop on them.

We both ran up to the door and pressed our eyes against the two holes.

Belgium was unpacking, and having a one-sided conversation with Iceland, who had locked up with nervousness.

"And my brother didn't want me to come, but nothing gets in my way of a cute guy!" she giggled.

"I'm...cute?" Iceland questioned, totally deadpan.

"Well, yeah! Otherwise I wouldn't be here, would I?"

"I...guess not? Wait here, I'll go get drinks or something."

"I'd like wine if you have it!"

"I think the options are tap water and cola."

"Okay, then I'll have some cola!"

Iceland exited the room without warning, causing both Denmark and I to topple over on the ground.

"WHY ARE YOU GUYS WATCHING ME!"

"Iceland, listen." I said as calmly as possible. "I took the liberty of buying you some wine, so have a glass before you go back in there."

"But...I've never had alcohol before..."

"The drunker you are, the less nervous you'll be."

"O-okay."

Denmark and I eagerly watched him down the glass.

"GO ICEY! CHUG, CHUG, CHUG~"

I got annoyed and clamped my hand over Denmark's mouth.

Iceland evidently couldn't handle his alcohol very well, because he was already starting to look a little tipsy.

"Now go in there and say 'Let's have sex.'" I encouraged him.

"Oh...uh, okay..."

He stumbled into the room with another glass of wine in hand, presumably for Belgium.

"Let's have sex!"

"Okay!"

"Um...now what?"

"Well, we have sex, silly!"

"And how does that..."

I watched my drunken brother's eyes widen as he remembered the boobies video and all that porn Denmark, Germany, and Prussia had shown him.

"WAITI'LLBERIGHTBACK!"

And with that, he ran headfirst into the door.

AN - Well, that was fun to write!

I'd like to thank the inspiration fairy for the idea.

AND MY LOVELY READERS. ALL OF YOU.

I'M SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE SOONER.


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